Letting Go

Posted: September 7, 2011 in Mommy Moment

Have you ever looked around and suddenly realized that you are not the normal well adjusted person that you thought you were? Today was my oldest daughter’s first day at Mother’s Day Out and after dropping her off, a wave of paranoia, anxiety and sadness crashed over my soul bringing me to tears like some sort of emotional cripple. What if she gets lost? What if they don’t know what to do when she gets upset? What if she won’t eat her lunch or take a nap because she is not in her normal environment? What if she thinks I have abandoned her? All these things battered my mind like like a relentless rain storm battering an already tattered roof top… The urge to jump in the car and go back and get her was nearly overwhelming.

So as I sit here, praying to the Lord to calm my storm ravaged mind and soul, I realize that my desire to go and get her and know that she is safe is not about her being safe but about me feeling like I have control over the circumstances so that I can feel ok.  Its funny how the longer I walk through life with the Lord the more He begins to give me these glaring opportunities to see that I control ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  The possibilities of things that could go so terribly, terribly wrong for me or any of the people I love so dearly are endless and there is genuinely no way I could ever control enough circumstances to make me feel ok enough to not be anxious about everything…

So that is my junk for the week… I am a paranoid control freak and not nearly as normal and well adjusted as I would like to be but here is the perspective: God is the essence of everything that is good. He is genuinely good and everything He does or allows is good no matter what it is. He is absolutely sovereign, there is not a circumstance that He does not control. He is passionately loving towards me and since He is good, sovereign and loving my soul can weather the storm of my emotions resting in who HE IS not in what I do so I can let go and enjoy what God has given me instead of trying to anxiously hold on to something that is not mine in the first place.

Philippians 4:5-7

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is [a]near. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all [b]comprehension, willguard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

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Comments
  1. Barbara Jordan says:

    Tori started in a new classroom a couple of weeks at her daycare, and I was worried. Same daycare, different teacher. I had the same worries, and probably have way too much advice. Tori now can’t wait for me to leave in the morning, and thinks I pick her up too early because it cuts into her Playdoh time. I don’t worry now, but we are only human.

    I hope Lilah is enjoying!

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