Fragility

Posted: October 11, 2011 in Personal Moment, Teachable Moment

Well, its been about a month since I have been able to write and it has been filled with many things to think about… mostly centered around the fragility of this thing we call our lives. This past weekend was one of the most miserable I have had in a long time… I was in bed for two days with a horrible sore throat and fever that left me constantly tossing and turning in fitful attempts to sleep and muscles that ached so much I wanted to cry. I couldn’t talk to anyone, I missed my husband and kids more than I could bear and as we all do when we are feeling the effects of a fallen world, I whined constantly to God about how this was miserably unfair and why did I have to be suffering right now when there were so many things to do bla, bla, bla… Interesting how quickly I loose perspective.

Then yesterday as I was beginning to recover from my many ailments, I got an e-mail about an Uncle of mine who is battling thyroid cancer and has recieved some bad news regarding his condition. The e-mail was from my Aunt and even though our families have not been close over the years, the tone of her words as she tried to sound hopeful about her husbands condition rippled the waves of my soul and made me suddenly feel very ashamed at the pettiness of my attitude toward God in my own small and very minor suffering. Here is a woman who has been married to a man for almost 30 years, they have had 5 children together, two of which are not out of highschool yet and now she is suddenly faced with the very real possibility of walking alone. Twenty years ago when she was my age, the thought never would have crossed her mind. Then I thought about my father-in-law who is also facing a battle with colon cancer and my mother-in-law who is dealing with many of the same things as my aunt… Then I thought of my own dad who deals with chronic back pain and another aunt that is dealing with a chronic condition and the list kept going on and on in my head of the many people who are in very real pain. Its something that I already know but I very easily loose sight of and when I do, I loose sight of the fact that God is bigger than this fallen world and all of the circumstances in it… my focus should be on who He is and not where I am.

So my junk is that I have a tendency to be very self focused and I am also kind of a whimp…  my whining made me realize how much I still hang my “happiness” on my circumstances… The e-mail from my aunt and thinking about all the people life who are suffering reminded me just how fragile those circumstances are and if I could talk my eyes off myself and put them on the Lord I might be able to really see other people and pray for them and be there for them and love them.  As I sit here now and let this perspective soak in, I feel like the best thing to do is pray… for real and not just for me… Love deeply and don’t take a moment for granted because each one is a very beautiful but fragile gift.

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