Seriously?

Posted: October 10, 2012 in Soap Box Moment
Tags: , , , , , ,

Today I am going to get on my soap box and talk about something that I know will make a lot of people upset, but honestly I am so irritated, I don’t really care. A few weeks ago, my husband was invited by a group of his friends to go grab a drink at a place called Twin Peaks which is touted as the new Hooters just with less clothing. For those of you not familiar with either of these restaurants, they are quite simply, titty bars for the suburban man. They serve a variety of “man foods” such as burgers, wings and ice cold beer but in addition they offer a choice selection of scantily clad waitresses for men to tantalize their lusts. Don’t believe me? Go to their websites, they make no secret of it.

Needless to say, my husband is a man of character and had no problem telling his meat head friends that he would not be joining them for personal reasons. As expected, they responded with ridicule and accused him of not being able to “handle himself”. SERIOUSLY? Now, to those of you who do not hold to the truth of scripture, I have nothing to say to you but to those who claim to be a Christian, I am calling you out. In Romans 13:14 we are commanded to make “no provision for the flesh.” In Galations 5:13 we are told that we are free but not to turn our freedom into opportunity for the flesh. In Matthew 26:41 we are told that the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. In Proverbs 5:17-19 men are commanded to “rejoice in the wife of your youth… let HER breasts satisfy you at ALL TIMES.” Need I go on?

Sadly I have met professing Christians, both men and women, who seem to feel that this indulgence of lust is no big deal and it is this attitude that I wish to challenge. Do we take the words of the living God seriously or do we think He is a joke? He gives us these guidelines because He is the creator and He knows what tools we need to protect ourselves and our marriages so why are those who take Him at His word looked at as prudish and unintelligent? The world tells us that marriage is only valuable as long as it suits us; it should not impede our desires or cramp our style and if it does, it’s ok to toss it out with the rest of the garbage and do what makes us happy.  So how’s that workin’ out? Statistics would say, not so well. Is this really what we want to pass on to our kids? That marriage is not valuable enough to protect by standing up for what God says is true?

I say no. I say you can get wings and hamburgers at Chili’s and that the only reason to go to suburban titty bars is to get as close to sin as you can without feeling like you have technically done anything wrong. If you are always trying to get as close to “the line” as possible then your heart is really on the other side of the line, it’s just that simple. Now, I’m not telling anyone what to do but I will tell you this, I respect my husband more than I respect any man in this world because he takes God seriously and he proactively protects our marriage. He did not turn down the Twin Peaks invitation because he can’t “handle himself”, he did it because he is twice the man those guys will ever hope to be.

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Comments
  1. Reblogged this on the Breastaurant Report and commented:
    Suburban ‘Titty Bars’… that’s a new one! Catchy, we must admit. This mom shares her opinion of Twin Peaks and their patrons…

  2. Love this!! I feel the same exact way. I thought my Husband I were on the same page with this issue. Guys from work asked him to go one time and he went. He knows I’m not comfortable with it. When i found out he had gone, not only did he say he was still going to choose to go every now and then, if that’s where the guys were going for lunch, but he has actually just went on ahead and turned it into a regular thing. It helped me to read this, so thank you for this post. Praying God changes his heart and opens his eyes to why this is totally not ok. Maybe when he seems approachable about the situation again, I will have him read this. Maybe it’ll make more sense to him and help him to understand by reading someone else explaining so well as to why it’s not ok.

    • Thanks so much for taking the time to read my blog and for your comments! I truly feel for your situation with your husband and will pray that the Lord opens his eyes on this most difficult subject. I also pray that the Lord will grant you both a deep love for each other even in the midst of disagreement. Blessings to you!

  3. p.j. says:

    Thank you both for your courage in sharing on this controversial subject. I feel like I can breathe again – so many “christians” have treated me like I’m crazy (but thankfully a handful of wives completely understand my view) because I agree with you. So refreshing to hear someone else say the exact words I’ve been saying to my husband and others who say a visit to such places is “harmless”. Thank you!

    • Speak the Truth says:

      …but when your wife doesn’t enjoy physical intimacy, and doesn’t want to be touched or even seen in a state of undress, then what?
      Well, you can:
      1) Live a life of sexual and emotional frustration, ruing an otherwise satisfactory marriage
      2) Have an affair – fully satisfying your carnal needs, but risking physical and emotional harm to both you and your wife
      3) Get divorced and find a new woman who has a libido
      4) Go to a real strip club, and shell out a few hundred dollars for overpriced drinks and lap dance

      Or you can go out with your friends; enjoy a few drinks, some decent snacks, and let a pretty young girl harmlessly flirt for an hour before you pay and go back home, masturbate, and go to bed with your frigid wife.

      .

      • Dear Speak the Truth,
        Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog, even if we do disagree. I am saddened to hear of the coldness that exists in your marriage and I certainly do not condone your wife’s response to you. However, it is my observation that women who are physically and emotionally unavailable to their husbands are typically struggling with much deeper issues than meets the eye. Speaking from a biblical perspective, it might be a better option to pursue her heart and try to discover the cause of her distancing herself from you. It seems that the other options you listed are more ways to run from the problem as opposed to actually dealing with it. I hope this helps. My prayers are with you and your wife.

  4. Speak the Truth says:

    I am not a spiritual man, but I’m curious to understand how you would apply your biblical values to this situation:

    My wife has clinical depression. This is a hereditary condition that she has struggled with for many years. Off medication, her mood disorder causes her to feel distant and disengaged. When she is on her medication, her mood is better, but her libido is completely shut off. She does not enjoy physical intimacy. Not even light touch – tickling her back, for example. She does not masturbate anymore. Intercourse feels physically uncomfortable to her, and she does not ever initiate any alternative activities to satisfy my physical needs. If I ask her for sexual favors (manual, oral) she rejects those requests over 80% of the time. When she does agree, her body language speaks loudly that she doesn’t want to be there.

    I care about her. We have children. I am not eager to fracture our family.
    But it is not reasonable (in my opinion) to expect me to live a life of celibacy. The physical discomfort is bad enough. The continued rejection is hurtful – and it doesn’t seem right that she should neglect my sexual needs.

    I took an oath to remain monogamous with her – but not celibate.

    My emotional connection to her is severely hindered by the rejection and lack of physical intimacy. I’ve been as patient and tolerant as I can be. But I cannot fathom spending the rest of my life in a state of sexual inactivity.

    So, given that background, what do you think the Bible would say?

    • Dear Speak The Truth,

      I am very sad to hear about the depression that plagues your wife and the issues that it causes in your marriage. It is obvious that you care about your family and that is to be admired for sure. However, the point of my blog was to address the direction of a person’s heart, not merely their outward behavior.

      In Matthew 5:38 it says “but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Jesus did not say this just to be mean, he said this to reveal that all sin is rooted in the hidden places of the heart and where it is allowed to fester it will eventually give birth to destructive behavior. Right and wrong is not circumstantial it is absolute. I do not believe your wife is correct in her behavior towards you and I believe that your suffering is very real but biblically speaking, the answer is not to use the indulgence of lust as a coping mechanism. It seems that a better option would be to lead her towards deep, unconditional love by first going there yourself. But this is impossible without knowing the person of Jesus Christ.

      I have no background or authority to speak about anything regarding clinical depression but I think some healthy biblical counseling would be a good place to start for the both of you. I would also highly recommend the Acts29 Network for finding a church to connect with. If you are simply wanting some good marriage materials to study with your wife at home, I would recommend starting with the Mingling of Souls DVD series by Matt Chandler, The Song of Solomon DVD study by Tommy Nelson, or the Love Dare book by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. I hope this is helpful and answers your question. Again, my prayers are with you and your wife, blessings to you both.

  5. Militarywife says:

    Dear awesome wife, you have helped me with this issue. I’m a military wife going through this exact situation. My husbands boss told him and the guys to all meet at this twin peaks which we both never heard of before. I saw him google it and right then and there I freaked out. My heart just sank. I was so hurt and I know my husband didn’t know what it was at first but I told him to not go. He said don’t be mad at me, I didn’t choose it! And I said ok well you’re not going right? Please don’t go. He then started saying I was a psycho jealous lame wife with issues. I didn’t know what else to do but cry and he just kept looking at me saying how ridiculous I was. He told me so many times how dumb it was for me to act like that but after reading this and speaking with 3 other wives, you guys have all said the same and their husbands stood up and said they don’t find it’s right. Their wife is more precious to them than fitting in with the guys or coworkers. My husband and I haven’t talked much because of this for a week so far. What else or how else should I talk to him about this? I’ve been praying and praying and I know it my answer might not come right away, but I would like to know if you have any words of wisdom for me? Please and thank you so much for writing this

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