All I Will Ever Need

Posted: November 7, 2012 in Personal Moment
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Have you ever gotten news that made you feel like someone took your dreams, mangled them and threw them in the fire? That’s pretty much how I felt last Thursday when we discovered that the builders for our house are once again out of money. The week before, we had been told that our closing date was going to be November 29th, which made this sudden turn for the worst, crash even harder on my soul.

I hit my knees in a flood of tears. In my heart I yelled at God and like a two year old I started to run away, determined to figure out how I could manipulate things into going my way. However, if there is nothing else that I have learned in these last two years of turmoil it is that I have no power to manipulate anything and as much as I didn’t want to, I knew that the only place to take my pain was to the God I had just yelled at. I started by trying to pray and then stopped. In my mind I played back all of the prayers I had said in the last six months and suddenly it just all seemed like vain repletion. I had been pestering God to bring our family to a home where we could have a season of rest from our two years of wandering and in that moment I just didn’t want to ask anymore. Frustration clouded my thoughts and I felt that if I was tired of my asking, then surely God must be tired of hearing it.

Not knowing what else to do I turned on my phone and opened my Bible app to the verse of the day which was in Luke 11. I clicked on it so that I could read it in context and this is what it said:

Then He said to them, “Suppose one of you has a friend, and goes to him at midnight and says to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves; for a friend of mine has come to me from a journey, and I have nothing to set before him’;and from inside he answers and says, ‘Do not bother me; the door has already been shut and my children and I are in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything.’ I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will get up and give him as much as he needs”.

 “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened. Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?”

Now, I’m no Biblical expert but to me, this verse sounds like an invitation to pester God. As a mom with a sin nature, I have to be honest and say that I never extend such an invitation to my children, so this idea strikes me as a little bit crazy. However, there is something else very important to be noted in this verse. Instead of a beating God promises to give a good gift in exchange for the pestering, but it is not necessarily something physical like a house; He promises to give the Holy Spirit. To be truthful, I was a little annoyed at this, but as I let my heathen nature be subdued by the words of God I felt a small sense of reassurance begin to creep into my battered soul. Even though I could not find strength to speak to my Father, He spoke to me. He reminded me that He always wants to talk even when there is nothing new to say; but even better than that, He promised to give me the only thing really worth having in this world which is His Spirit.

So, I at this moment I can’t honestly say whether we will ever move into this house or not, but what I do know is this: I will keep pestering God about it and in return I will get more of Him. It may not be what I think I want but it is all I will ever need.

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