Frazzled

Posted: December 19, 2012 in Personal Moment
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Have you ever had that day? That day when every whiney sound coming from your child’s mouth frazzles your last nerve and all semblance of normalcy seems to have given way to total insanity?

Well, ever since we made the decision to move from my parent’s house and into an apartment a little over two weeks ago, my life has felt like a continuous version of “that day”. The first week and a half was a mad dash to unpack and get settled before Christmas. This week has been a mad dash to be ready for Christmas and next week will be a final sprint to be ready for my brother’s wedding on the 31st. On top of all that, my oldest daughter decided to start potty training which has been going well, but as all parents know, it adds a whole new level of stress to each day. In between all of this, is the added pressure of trying to be a “good mom”, keep a relationship alive with my husband and also find time to be in the scriptures.

Now, I’m sure there are lots of moms out there who can identify with these challenges, especially if they are like me and do not enjoy massive amounts of change coupled with constant activity. I am a person that prefers an even pace with time to reflect and strategize, so the mad dash of the last two weeks has left me feeling completely frazzled.  I have spent many evenings crying on my husband’s shoulder and I’ve had to apologize so many times to my children for losing my patience that I feel like I should just wake up apologizing to stay ahead of the game.

However, in the midst of all this struggle I feel like God is asking the question “Am I enough for you? Am I better than the plans that you make or the pace in which you prefer to live?” To be truthful, my answer has mostly been “Yeah…but this is unreasonable!” Again I feel Him tug at my soul and ask “Am I better?” He knows that when I am too comfortable my heart attaches itself to the things that betray me but the discomfort of struggle keeps me holding to Him, where I am truly safe. So He asks again “Am I better?” I begin to realize that my attachment to my plans and concern for my own comfort is really what leaves me feeling frazzled and if I was only concerned with His glory then I would find rest in the knowledge of His mercy.

So at this moment I am learning to understand the reality that He IS enough. My plans and my preferences always betray me but He never has and never will. As I let this truth sink into my soul I feel rest begin to creep into the chaos. Suddenly I can let go and enjoy the good things like Christmas lights on my back porch, reading time with my kids and coffee with my wonderful husband. The things that I struggle with are still there, but if my heart can always come back to the place where He is enough then maybe I will slowly become less frazzled and more restful even in all the chaos that is life. So if there is anyone else out there struggling with an endless version of “that day” I hope I have encouraged you to search your soul and ask the question “Is He enough?” Maybe the answer will give you a good place to start walking towards a place of rest.

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