As a mom, the pressure I put on myself to “raise the kids right” sometimes makes my head buzz with an endless list of interrogation questions and the conversation sounds a little something like this:
(Q) Am I disciplining properly? (A) I don’t know… I’m trying. I read Focus on The Family… sometimes.
(Q) Am I being consistent enough? (A) I was yesterday… I think.
(Q) Am I doing enough to teach my kids about God? (A) Oh no I forgot to read them a Bible story last night!
(Q) Am I doing enough activities with them? (A) They look a little bored… I should take them outside.
(Q) Am I teaching them enough academics? (A) I hate math. We will read a book, that’s literature.
(Q)Do they have enough brain stimulating toys? (A) No more toys! This place is a mess, I’ve got to clean!
I’m sure there are many moms out there who can relate to this mental self-interrogation. We try to analyze and re-analyze to see what else we should be doing to feel like a more awesome mom, but today I read a quote from Dr. Meg Meeker that made me think. She said “Rarely do kids describe their mothers as being fabulous moms because of the material things they provide. When I ask adult children about their parents, they talk about their mothers’ greatness in terms of their kindness, affection, and caring.” Now, I am a fan of healthy self-examination, but if you are like me, you probably have a tendency to try too hard and over compensate for the areas you feel like you fall short in. I find that when I get focused on grading myself, I try to do more activities to make myself feel like a better mom. However, in doing so, I then I forget to focus on the things that really matter. Like remembering to show affection and just cuddle for a while; or trying to care about what is going on in my little girl’s heart and not just reacting in frustration to her behavior. These are the things that matter most to my kids and I know that when I take the time to do them instead of just trying to add more steam to the crazy train, there begins to be warmth in their responses to me. It’s not that I don’t have to discipline or spend time teaching them things, but there has to be a balance. Sometimes the things that make me feel better about myself are not necessarily the things that are best for my kids.
So to all my fellow moms out there, I hope you will take this encouragement and realize that sometimes the pressure to do more stuff so you can feel like you are “raising the kids right” is all in your head. Galatians 5:22-23 says “… the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…” which means that what really makes us great moms is letting the fruit of God’s spirit bloom in the moments of our daily life. Maybe we don’t need to do more; maybe we need to stop so God’s spirit can show us how to focus on the things that matter.
Mommys Anonymous 