All in My Head

As a mom, the pressure I put on myself  to “raise the kids right” sometimes makes my head buzz with an endless list of interrogation questions and the conversation sounds a little something like this:

(Q) Am I disciplining properly? (A) I don’t know… I’m trying. I read Focus on The Family… sometimes.

(Q) Am I being consistent enough? (A) I was yesterday… I think.

(Q) Am I doing enough to teach my kids about God?  (A) Oh no I forgot to read them a Bible story last night!

(Q) Am I doing enough activities with them? (A) They look a little bored… I should take them outside.

(Q) Am I teaching them enough academics? (A) I hate math. We will read a book, that’s literature.

(Q)Do they have enough brain stimulating toys? (A) No more toys! This place is a mess, I’ve got to clean!

I’m sure there are many moms out there who can relate to this mental self-interrogation. We try to analyze and re-analyze to see what else we should be doing to feel like a more awesome mom, but today I read a quote from Dr. Meg Meeker that made me think. She said “Rarely do kids describe their mothers as being fabulous moms because of the material things they provide. When I ask adult children about their parents, they talk about their mothers’ greatness in terms of their kindness, affection, and caring.” Now, I am a fan of healthy self-examination, but if you are like me, you probably have a tendency to try too hard and over compensate for the areas you feel like you fall short in. I find that when I get focused on grading myself, I try to do more activities to make myself feel like a better mom. However, in doing so, I then I forget to focus on the things that really matter. Like remembering to show affection and just cuddle for a while; or trying to care about what is going on in my little girl’s heart and not just reacting in frustration to her behavior.  These are the things that matter most to my kids and I know that when I take the time to do them instead of just trying to add more steam to the crazy train, there begins to be warmth in their responses to me. It’s not that I don’t have to discipline or spend time teaching them things, but there has to be a balance. Sometimes the things that make me feel better about myself are not necessarily the things that are best for my kids.

So to all my fellow moms out there, I hope you will take this encouragement and realize that sometimes the pressure to do more stuff so you can feel like you are “raising the kids right” is all in your head.  Galatians 5:22-23 says “… the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…” which means that what really makes us great moms is letting the fruit of God’s spirit bloom in the moments of our daily life. Maybe we don’t need to do more; maybe we need to stop so God’s spirit can show us how to focus on the things that matter.

Letting Go

Have you ever looked around and suddenly realized that you are not the normal well adjusted person that you thought you were? Today was my oldest daughter’s first day at Mother’s Day Out and after dropping her off, a wave of paranoia, anxiety and sadness crashed over my soul bringing me to tears like some sort of emotional cripple. What if she gets lost? What if they don’t know what to do when she gets upset? What if she won’t eat her lunch or take a nap because she is not in her normal environment? What if she thinks I have abandoned her? All these things battered my mind like like a relentless rain storm battering an already tattered roof top… The urge to jump in the car and go back and get her was nearly overwhelming.

So as I sit here, praying to the Lord to calm my storm ravaged mind and soul, I realize that my desire to go and get her and know that she is safe is not about her being safe but about me feeling like I have control over the circumstances so that I can feel ok.  Its funny how the longer I walk through life with the Lord the more He begins to give me these glaring opportunities to see that I control ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  The possibilities of things that could go so terribly, terribly wrong for me or any of the people I love so dearly are endless and there is genuinely no way I could ever control enough circumstances to make me feel ok enough to not be anxious about everything…

So that is my junk for the week… I am a paranoid control freak and not nearly as normal and well adjusted as I would like to be but here is the perspective: God is the essence of everything that is good. He is genuinely good and everything He does or allows is good no matter what it is. He is absolutely sovereign, there is not a circumstance that He does not control. He is passionately loving towards me and since He is good, sovereign and loving my soul can weather the storm of my emotions resting in who HE IS not in what I do so I can let go and enjoy what God has given me instead of trying to anxiously hold on to something that is not mine in the first place.

Philippians 4:5-7

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is ^[a]near. ⁶ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all ^[b]comprehension, willguard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.